Another weekend night, a house party or a bar
It could turn out differently this time
Slick back my hair, feel real suave
Lookin' real fine, I`m dressed to the nines
But I know it's not for me, coz I know
This is just another venue to humiliate myself
Give me a chance, I swear that I will blow it
I can be an ass on my own, I don't need your help

I know my place, it's right there in that corner
Putting up my guard, you will never cross my border
Sayin' how you doin? Come here often?
That's not for me

So you walk up to me while I'm nursing my LaCroix
Well I would if there was one in the fridge
Oh, we could strike up a chat while I sip on warm tap water
But I feel I'm teetering off a bridge
Coz I know it's not for me, I'm as relatable
As Hemingway drinking himself under the table
Open up my mouth but I can only manage banal
So stilted, so shy, so utterly ungraceful

Maybe you would like to join me in this dance
But you will never know coz I won't give myself a chance
Spry, skipping carefree, I know it's not for me

No I just haven't earned it yet
I don't think I ever will
For all the milestones I've passed
The road still goes uphill
How long can you hold out
Can you manage one more climb
For all the good this does
It's no longer worth my time

The night's just getting started, but man, I feel so beat
Wave an Irish goodbye out the door onto the street
Way to go unnoticed, didn't even leave a dent
On the carpet or the wall, you're such a non-event
Coz I know it's not for me, socializing
Is not the domain of the overanalyzing
Post-mortem in the car driving down the freeway
Being at one with l'esprit de l'escalier

You're a schlub, you're a schmuck, you're a fakakta schnook
If you thought I'm headed somewhere, I guess I made you look
Doomed to a life of lateral movement
Allergic to anything resembling self-improvement
Digging in your heels with nowhere else to flee
I'm staying right here, going out is not for me