Fake Marry Kill

by Fake Canadian

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Fake Marry Kill (FKCN LP1) is a collection of various songs I wrote over the last few years that I decided to record with full-band arrangements in December of 2014. Several of these I've sang a bunch at open mics, two were from an aborted EP from last year, over half of them are about relationships. In some way, all of them are about Merced. To sum up the last four years I've lived here in the course of nine songs is a fool's errand, but I'm not that bothered about it.

Thank you for listening.


released December 10, 2014

Fake Canadian is Christopher Casuga playing the following instruments:
Drums, Drum Machine, Guitars, Baritone Guitar, Bass Guitar, Keyboards, Vocal Cords, Words, Amateurish Recording Practices, Truly Awful Drumming Technique

Recorded at Daylight Headlight House on December 6-10, 2014.

All guitar, bass, baritone guitar and keyboard tracks were played through a Crate GTD15. Yeah, that's right.



all rights reserved


Fake Canadian Gilroy, California

The world needed another hyper-literate power-pop jawn fronted by a neurotic mess. Christopher Casuga is only happy to oblige.

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Track Name: Plane
I wanna learn the language
Of a socialist Scandinavian country
'Coz if I could learn another tongue
I'd have no use for this one
I'd put on a million layers
Just to walk down to the store
And if it means I'll never see another old face
I couldn't ask for more
And I'll look up to the northern sky
See a plane break through the gray up high
And wonder before all this how I ever got by

In the present day, life is decent
So c'mon, let's go downtown
I can't walk a single block or into any other shop
Without getting down to getting down
But the sky paints a different picture
My mind's cribbing a different page
I can see the outline of the firmament
Lined by a gilded cage
I know you'll be sad to see me leave
But I ran out of tricks from inside my sleeve
Salvation from a passenger jet is my last reprieve

Don't bother trying to find me
This is no communique from the hole
By the time you dig down to where you think I am
I'll be sunbathing in the North Pole
I've got so many frequent flier miles
Oslo to Stockholm here I come
To follow me would be to court disappointment
How do you say in Swedish, “so long?”
I don't want to see your face brim-full of tears
I hear Reykjavik is nice this time of year
Check your mailbox in a few weeks' time for a souvenir
And a plane could solve my problems
If it could break past the visible light
No language, no people, no streetlamps,
No gravity, no feelings, only night
Track Name: Hundredthousand
You've heard it all before so please stop me now
It's the only thing you've heard come out of my mouth
My one-track mind derailed on time, so

Give me a heart that won't shake and I swear I will find a way to make it break
You may think me wrong, but I happen to know you'll be making that same mistake
All I really want is someone who don't mind if I ramble on take after take
So give me a heart that won't break and with me, all you have to do is wait

Walking around best described as a permanent scowl
I could call a truce, 'coz there's no excuse for my excuse
Still, shouldn't I try if I've nothing to lose, so

There's a hundredthousand reasons for me to shut up
I could put in the effort but I'm terrified stuck
Not a single word will come back to you
I'm just afraid of you 'coz I'm afraid of me, too

I can't wait for all of this to be in the past
I just need for this moment to pass
But it's not goin' anywhere, no not anytime fast, so
Track Name: Leap Day
It happened on Leap Day so it doesn't matter
If I embarrass myself, at least I choose the manner
Cute will only get you so far
If you're so fucking coy about it
Some people are just out with their feelings
While others like me try to dress them up with meaning
Designed to deflect but instead they betray
The way I feel about you

If I sing this song I hope that you get it
And at the same time I hope that you don't
Though I wrote the rules I can't succeed
I love a game I can't win

Asking for it doesn't even begin
To describe just how foolish I've been
I hope if I raise you're gonna call
But folding is the correct play
It doesn't matter how I feel if you ain't down
So I feel down too, I try to turn it around
In a way, the bullet in my foot
Came from my own gun

The plan was to lay it down all on the line
With one single song and all would be fine
So why the fuck did I sing “Deeper Than Beauty”
When I could've sang “Ask”
Because your glasses are all sorts of okay
And the thing that we got is not a thing anyway
So let me try to not let this shit get awkward
If it does, then the terrorists win
Track Name: People's Kingdom of Ennui and Longing
You once told me that when this is finished
We'll look back sadly and wish for it back
This part of our lives, quickly fading though it is
Could be the best that we've had

So let's have one more drink before the show is over
Live these days now before we're untenably older
To never wondering what could be if we were bolder
To seizing every last day

I sat in your backyard
Alone with my beer as the party raged inside
I thought a while about joining the festivities
Instead I just asked for a ride
I'm old enough to know that partying doesn't help
Even when I see my friends happy and glad
You might say that I should be in no rush to grow up
Too late, I already have

I should have seen so far in advance
That this spendthrift lifestyle doesn't stand a chance
When old friends don't come by as often as they did
Maybe there's a reason for that
For all of the accolades that I have earned
I still can't please everybody in this world
When the road is narrow and they force you to take a side
It's the realization that the days have already died

And in me was the unfulfillable hunger
To go back to the times back when we was younger
But for all of the times when you try to stand tall
All you can do is nothing at all

You once told me that when this is finished
We'll look back sadly and wish for it back
As far as I'm concerned, those days are done now
And I only wish to see them fade black
Track Name: Musketeers Forever!
Best friends forever, give a shoutout
To the three who will never fall apart
We've got lines for any situation
No one but us three could get closer to the heart
It's been long since we last hung out like high school
But we can get the ball back in play again
So let's hang like every day's the weekend
And every weekend is summer vacation

Musketeers now always and forever
Musketeers are never gonna die
Long live those who will always stick together
The best of friends whom no one can deny

Let us introduce the members of the team
The coolest bunch of bastards you will ever hang out with
The man in black is a bass-playing maestro
He likes watching Star Trek and having lots of sex
The other one, he likes to dress fancy
And he knows superhero fiction in and out
And that leaves me, but you may not have the hunch
That the three of us together make an incredible bunch

Yet the dream was too good to be stable
Some good things were never meant to last
Some words exchanged turned into a bout
And two-thirds of the Musketeers eventually fell out
I could see my future flash before me
To become the son of divorcees
Who's gonna get custody on weekends
Will anything be the same as it could be

Just like that, the Musketeers were over
Hung my coat up for the very last time
I still keep up with them but they don't keep up with each other
As far as one is concerned, the other may well have died
I'd like to think that they squabbled over nothing
But who am I to say that their concerns are dumb
But either way, it doesn't really matter
We made a lie out of “out of many one”

And it happened one day in that summer
The Musketeers laid down their arms and died
Unthinkable to think the best friends who ever were
That flag again will never fly
Musketeers now no more and now never
Musketeers will never ride again
Divided, oh, just fuck the whole condition
Fuck it all, forever and amen
Track Name: Bike Theft Summer
It was still hot in the setting sun
And the rash of bike theft all over downtown
Has everybody on the run

Cables cut in the live light
Brazen like a bull in a china shop
As if it were the dead of night

Tight-lipped police in the noon heat
They'll take your report but rather be on the beat
If you want a summer free of frowns
Don't think of bringing your bike downtown

I thought naively that they'll never saw through this lock
When I returned, some slick motherfucker
Had just took the wheel off

It was a genius turn of theft
And I would look upon it in jest
If it wasn't my bike that up and left

All-points bulletin, no point in posting up
Like an ex-lover that subsumed in the dust
If you don't wanna find yourself alone
You would be best leaving your bike at home

I know somewhere there's a warehouse
Nestled deep in the heart of the state
Where all the bikes anyone stole from anybody
All come to congregate

Like a museum to dreams we have in the summer
That discorporate like sprinkler water
I will find this place and reclaim my bike
Pristine like the day that I bought 'er

But even with the hypothetical so strange
The lesson of the story hasn't changed
If the turning of the chain is a musical sound
Don't you even dare bring your bike downtown
Track Name: Yr New Waterbed
There's a rumor going 'round 'bout yr new waterbed
It leaks all day, it leaves you wet in the head
And it's probably really hard
To try to have sex on as well
I didn't even know that they were still in production
Bed of a past future gone
Increased lumbar support
And a fear of drowning on and on

How can I even function
Losing sleep at night
I can't trust yr waterbed
When you turn down the lights

You say that it's nothing but an urban legend
But I know a friend of a friend
Who laid a child there at night
And woke up to find him dead
So the story might be anecdotal
But my fears are so very real
And the strain on yr floorboards
Are gonna make your second story keel

That death trap in your bedroom
No longer can I abide
You're great, but yr waterbed
Makes me wanna run and hide

Back to a dull spring mattress
Back to relative safety
Never thought I'd ever
Miss danger that much lately
Alive, comfortable and unloved
With you I'm scared out of my wits
So if I come crawling back
Please spare me that whole pile of shit

I'm happy to be gasping, scared beyond dreams
I can pretend it's not as bad as it seems
I would love nothing less
Than to drown in yr waterbed
Track Name: I Am An Atom Bomb
I am an atom bomb
But I'm as stable as I can be
If you want me to explode
You need the secret code
And the authorization key
But when they see me
They see the silo I live inside
They imagine my pent-up power
And the destructive force that I hide
So go ahead
Throw all the rocks that you can throw
You can dent my shell
From top to bottom
But that alone will not make me blow
So if you want to see
The saddest snow you could ever find
Disable the safeties
Engage the procedure
And watch me lose my mind

Say just one word
And I am gone from this place
Nobody likes emotional baggage
Especially the kind that can irradiate space
Is that even possible that that could happen
I'm not up to date on my nuclear science
It goes to show the power I command
But not the knowledge to safely apply it
I am bad news
I am the headlines in your head
From the printing press of your paranoia
A million sick and a million dead
It's over in a half-life
If you could call that life at all
But if you say the word I will disappear
I am gone if you make that call

So don't you dare
Shed a single tear from your eye
Love between a girl and nuclear weapon
In the real world cannot survive
I've waited for a thousand years
I can wait a thousand more
By the time that you're done
You'll be in the ground
Or you'll have lived to see the war
Living with me
Does not good prospects portend
Either I'll outlive you a thousand times over
Or you'll be there to see the end
So goodbye now
You can think of me when you depart
But don't you dare look back
'Coz all you'll see
Is a broken irradiated heart
Track Name: Grasping at Straws
There's many things worse than nursing an obsession
That won't die and go away
Forgive me for the fact that this is fresh on my mind
I can talk on other stuff some other day
When any signal that I get is mangled
And the interpreter can't figure it out
The right answers are few, but the fact is it's true
I close my eyes, I end up thinking of you

And I was grasping at straws because it's all that I can do
When I take any detail as a possible clue
And the more I try to stop, the farther it goes on
Trying to get away just strings me back along

I had a pen to play connect the dots
Following my own number scheme
For every smile that you flashed, another tick of the ink
Then you started hanging out in my dreams
A wistful flick of your wrists or you were just shooing flies
Couldn't tell if I caught your eye
Maybe you were gonna say, “why, yes, I like you so”
Or I'm just waiting for twenty kinds of “no”

Imagine that you had stuck in your own head
A song called “Yellow Submarine”
It was all you could wish for to find any other song
That would wipe that dirty brain slate clean
Well, suppose that such a song exists
To cut the offending thread
Yeah, if you suppose, that song is “Kiss From A Rose”
Now that shit's never gonna leave your head

If you ever felt that you had overstayed your welcome
You'd know exactly where I am
Stuck between the part of me that says “hey we can get together”
or “you and I could make good friends”
But it's not fair to you to have to deal with these foibles
And I wish they would just go away
But for all that I have said, if you want me gone tonight
I agree that that's well within your rights

I'm sorry about the final score
Could you at least show me out the door?
Thank you for the graceful exit
I can't pay you back enough
And you will hear hello from me for nevermore