Credit check on me now Run the receipts bit by bit In reality, it's formality I know I'm good for it But I'm acting like a man Waiting for the shoe to drop Even if it doesn't fit I can't will myself to stop I know that things should be fine I know I haven't shit the bed But in my own mind, I know how I'll feel instead Addlepated Now I wrote up a list Of all the good traits about myself In the distance I can feel The presence of something else Some embarrassment from the past Long ago locked away But the way it hits me I feel Like it was yesterday There's no reason to think A repeat performance is due But I believe that I believe that I think it's true Addlepated Gotta back away now My welcome is overstayed I was only here for a minute But we know by now it’s boilerplate Your hand slips away from mine No connection was made Clearly I didn’t try hard enough To really engage with the game I know I’m capable of more I know that the outcome could change Inevitably I will fuck up, what else can I say? Addlepated

I took the car out to the shop So they could fix it up The motor mounts were shot The engine's shaking all over the bay I set the traps up in my room The mice, their deaths can't come too soon I got a new card To pay off my balance at a lower rate I got all my ducks lined up So I can take a clear shot I got everything I need How do I get everything I want Been busy feeding myself Just to stay hungry all the time Just saved up enough energy To send an SOS down the line It wasn't like this in summers past The portable AC's in so I can relax The space heater's back in the attic I'll see you some winter day But satisfaction's side effects arrive That wistful feeling's all but died Been unfulfilled too long I've been too preoccupied Can't even recall the first steps To working on what I had planned Like falling in love for real or Playing guitar in a band It's like trying to relearn a language After butchering it for years All I'm left with is longing for longing My aspirations are in arrears Been hitting the street, been hitting the pubs Working on my licks and beating the tubs Lord help me, I want back on my bullshit In the worst of all possible ways I'm hanging on the straps, I try to make the most But I can't even really seem to osmose None of this is coming back as easy If it ever really was at all It's only a matter of time Before my fortunes reverse Wish fulfillment only lasts long enough For a chorus and a verse Opportunity knocked, I shook its hand but it slipped away Now the sun is setting The results are pending But I know that they won't go my way The car broke down again in due course The mice returned in their full force My new card's overdrawn Meet the new boss, same as the old Let's put this search back upon the shelf I can self-actualize but can't feed myself A fool I was to think I was ready for something more Can't sweat the small stuff I've been through this cycle before Who knows when my call up will come again But until then here's the score I'm back to the hustle Who among us is above the grind? Going right back to longing for longing Going right back to tempering my pride