This story is told out of order For want of intent to resign Why I left that life behind If you saw me I know what you would say The good kid had it made Why'd he throw it all away So let's stop being coy, let's out with it now That savory taste, once welcome, Has gone sour in my mouth Yet the hunger still will not subside How does one decide Whether to eat in shame or starve in pride This story is told out of order Dictated but not read In a letter never sent Forgive me if I don't wish to draw heat People say a lot of things When they think that you're asleep So let's stop being coy, let's out with it now The circle-talk around the bush Has got to end somehow I speak expired ciphers, I sing in code And now the roads that go south Are the only ones I know What was said was public record Or hearsay, I never got The difference between the two Not like I was within earshot What was said I know innately Or never left the witness' throat The difference doesn't matter, I'm still Isolated, on my own This story is told out of order But I suffer in vain here When the ending is so near My plans have changed, my bags are packed So don't you be surprised If I never end up coming back So let's stop being coy, let's out with now One day, all will be revealed And I will leave no doubt Alone I go into the void again You will find out soon enough If the pressure makes me break or bend

The past don't bother me For better or worse 'Til it comes inevitable Like a chorus follows a verse Took me back to a time I was blooming and keen Knew a girl from Buffalo On my computer screen It was the start of some new feat To battle distance's tyranny In dire search of cherished corps esprit To the outside observer I am all by myself Shooting for the moon But falling off of the shelf Yet I could reach my hand out Through fiber-optic lines And find another waiting Ready to grab onto mine The danger dies behind the door The stranger's a stranger no more And that was all I ever could ask for Primus inter pares So close but so far away We all have our lives to lead But I wish you would have stayed It's all too common in the present time For connections to fray A fool I am to hold out hope To see you again someday Another city, a different road A tourist or a lost sightseer The meet cute is the realm of movies But why couldn't it happen here If some happenstance from long ago Could make the west and east coast meet What's stopping it from reuniting You and I on the same street If I could only ask one thing It's to know how have you been I'll settle for knowing you made the best of everything The girl from Buffalo went away I'm stranded still in San Jose But I still remember her today

The curious case of the sugar glider It needs attention or it dies A relatable tendency, I must admit When one seeks it out like a chronic vice There's no need to get excited This rush you feel ain't worth a quid And yet, the mind of some beginner Is quick to lunge right off of the cliff I can get into trouble without the assistance Of anyone else I am perfectly capable of sabotaging myself Falling in love with the back of a leg isn't crazy If it's all you can see Steadfastly optimistic that there's something more substantial That's just above the knee Wandering the streets at night searching in vain A connection could dispense that relief But if I found it I'd be better served by throwing it out Hope is such a cruel gift to receive I can get into trouble without the assistance Of anyone else I am perfectly capable of sabotaging myself Falling in love with the back of a leg isn't crazy If it's all you can see Steadfastly optimistic that there's something more substantial That's just above the knee Kid, you got moxie, more guts than sense You've thought it all out in your mind But you will wait a single moment for a lifetime like this For your stars to perfectly align You're gonna get into trouble without the assistance Of anyone else Or you can get out of your own way and break the cycle Before you sabotage yourself Falling in love with the back of a leg isn't prudent But if it's all that you got Then you better be prepared to use your own to prop yourself up when you run out of luck

Ripped from the headlines I'm alive You ignore me at your own peril Staring at you in the eyes I'm walking trouble One day, you'll get got Just like I did This is no lede that you can bury One good turn deserves another You're worth the bother I will find good where none exists Or else I'll make good where none exists So righteous with your convictions Loyalty these days is a rare quantity Running headfirst into the buzzsaw You'll make a great mess I hope it's worth it, every penny That you won from making your friends enemies I'll bury the hatchet into The small of your back I will find good where none exists Or else I'll make good where none exists

Behind the red door in the red room Is what you need to hear but I will not tell you You wouldn't think so, but it's better For you to infer what I'd tell you never And if you knew from the start what you'd hear from me You would shut the red door and throw away the key At the least, you could save yourself some grief The first time I tell you what I am, believe me Behind the red door in the red room I offer bon mots, bromides and platitudes A fire sale of go-nowhere bootless banality And you would think they were the essence of profundity And if you knew from the start what you'd hear from me You would light the room aflame then walk out with your back to me Your unwavering faith in me beggars belief The second time I tell you what I am, believe me You knew right from the start, now you've heard from me Yet you didn't shut the door or throw away the key I tried to warn you yet you kept walking into the sea I didn't do a thing to you, you did this to me

Let's sing a song To a paranoid rant I've held for too long To friends and relations who cannot but help But dictate what I should do for myself I'll admit when I'm in a jam You always help out the best that you can But you alternate between the sound of your voice And talking down the things over which I've no choice When I turn away Do you turn the guns on me? A cursory look out the window Turned into a thousand-yard stare Biding my time for some perfect moment That never materializes there I can hardly call it getting by Some great mind I turned out to be When you're in perpetual motion but haven't moved an inch And vacillate constantly When I turn away Do you turn the guns on me? Have I made good on your rubric? What qualities have you yet to test Confidence in one's self is all self-delusion Unless you make good on your bets So wrap up the meeting and tell me your plans I know your hands have made certain demands If that's your intent, I spit on your palms I'm ready for my final stand So, go on ahead Go turn the guns on me But don't you dare fire Until mine eyes' whites you see

What I throw against the wall I Wonder if it sticks or falls it's No guarantee of success and There is nothing one can learn from This moving target's twists and turns When I try to make a bid it's Marge versus the Monolith Persistent force immobile object We all want to play the game but No one follows the rules the same An island on my own, that's me Small wonder no one bothers Over tempestuous seas Who stands out just to blend back in? All this expended effort just to Double back into my skin Take the average person, stack 'em Up against my shtick, I bet I Lose 'em in the first minute and I no longer feel the feeling That this bit is as endearing So I retreat to my den I Won't let it happen again I View the window with contempt like Some Doctor Manhattan pose Like I stand still and all time froze And when I walk down the street No one bats an eye When my catchphrases run dry In a quiet corner of the room I dare not make a sound Why get lost just to be found There's games to be played and trust to be made And everyone's here to have fun Replay in my head all of my past mistakes And all I want to do is run A figure approaches, looks me in the eyes, asks “Is anyone using this chair?” I brace myself to converse out of the blue But when I look back no one's there She placed her hands on the black stone She saw a vision powerful But left her all alone And backed out at the last second she could I don't blame her one iota If I could do the same I would What I throw against the wall It never sticks, it always falls

Beth better book a weekend out of town 'Coz me and the boys are gonna find that sound We don't care how long it takes or if we have to raise the stakes If we go into debt, at least we got some good takes On a reel-to-reel 4 track through some pawnshop mics That reek of '42 vintage Lucky Strikes Within garage walls we will heed the call For the vibe and the mojo and the je ne sais quoi There's not a thing in this world I trust Save for the particulate smattering of 1960s dust I need a hit, I want that stuff Until it's blown away by some modern-day gust Beth better book a weekend out of town 'Coz me and the boys are gonna find that sound Get on Ready, Steady, Go! or Top Of The Pops Instead of a weeknight 5-band headlining slot A ratty old fuzz-box and a Teisco guitar The A&R man says we're gonna go far He'll dress us up in matching suits and give us new names I promise to remember you when I've gotten fame There's not a thing in this world I trust Save for the particulate smattering of 1960s dust I need a hit, I want that stuff Until it's blown away by some modern-day gust Chase me down the street Into my hotel suite The boredom of assumed success Is gonna be the death of me You can always return to where you've never been If you leap into the decade where you wanna live I'll never roam, I've made a home No one dares to say this emperor has no clothes There's not a thing in this world I trust Save for the particulate smattering of 1960s dust I need a hit, I want that stuff Until it's blown away

Count down from ten, I close my eyes Pucker my lips for a surprise That no one's standing by to Plant a big one up on my mouth Am I less tempting than a mouse No one was willing to commit Not even as a bit Clock strikes twelve and nothing's changed The spirit left me all the same Hard luck too bad Wallflower old hat Why'd I think it'd be any different tonight? Two hours deep into the year Numb to the joie de vive, the cheer And there is nothing left to fear When no one pays you any mind What more does this schlep have to try Should I pratfall just so I have Something that I can't live down Clock strikes twelve and nothing's changed The spirit left me all the same Hard luck too bad Wallflower old hat Why'd I think it'd be any different tonight? When the party's over And the guests have all gone home Will you wake me up so I can scrub The skin off of my bones When the party's over And the house is spoiled and trashed Let me sleep in 'til I can't tell this year from the last Some new year that this turned out to be Some new year that this turned out to be A wrong foot start I scrape my knee Some new year that this turned out to be Count down from ten, I close my eyes I shift right over to my side And let the sheep herd me to sleep Right through the new year is alright Substantial change was not applied It's just like any day or night

It should have gotten here already Can't even bother to hide my frown Pre-emptive blowups, two fingers up A last hurrah of ne'er do wells before I split town I'm on my way to greener pastures And never lay eyes on you fuckers again So much for a scene that celebrates nothing My kingdom for a thousand swords and all I have on me is a pen But that's always how it goes now I can't leave well enough alone No one's at my door for any reason No need to ever pick up the phone So we can go on the same adventures We've relived about a million times Did you really think we can do this forever Don't you wish that there was something else you could've tried? I keep a spectre close behind my shoulder Try as I might, it will not shake loose Deaf ears for my pleas of respite It taunts me and it haunts me from midnight to noon Little whispers of betrayed desires Little truths I do not want voiced All I ever wanted was to be in with people But people can only disappoint But that's always how it goes now I can't leave well enough alone No one's at my door for any reason No need to ever pick up the phone So we can go on the same adventures We've relived about a million times Did you really think we can do this forever Don't you wish that there was something else you could've tried? A seaside town with a population under fifty-thousand would do just fine But would the same fractures trail my footsteps Send the whole resort down the coastline How am I supposed to face the future If my past predicts end times You know what they say about history It don't repeat but it often rhymes But that's always how it goes now I can't leave well enough alone No one's at my door for any reason No need to ever pick up the phone So we can go on the same adventures We've relived about a million times I don't think that I can do this forever God I wish that there was something else I could've tried

Things aren't looking up since last we Talked a storm about staying dry I claim big game but when it's done The water's come up to my thigh I'm glad that you had faith, I hate to Tell you that it was misplaced Better leave before you get Caught with me in this disgrace All you can do All you can do All you can do is nothing at all Grasping for a funny dog To somehow make life worthwhile They're putting the holes in to fill them back up But I want naught from this flowing cup There's a blinding star out on the horizon I kept a lookout 'til my sight was gone Can't you see my eyes? I'm tired Of feeling weak and being called strong All you can do All you can do All you can do is nothing at all If you believe soon comes the dawn It's your vision adjusting to the dark Reach for any hand you think is around Searching in vain for a single spark You searched for hope like I did but I believe every rope has an end Anything that starts on Thunder Road Always bleeds out in Jungleland All you can do All you can do All you can do is nothing at all

I saw you nursing your sorrows by the stairwell A likely place for a strategic retreat That's one thing you and I have in common May I ask you if I could take a seat? This thing of ours is special, let's not stunt the momentum By going for half-measures or a trade-off instead If we're gonna jump, how high, into the deep end Let's make a decision before we both drop dead I barely have bearings on my current disposition And sneaking suspicions that you're one and the same Impulsive, petty, prone to petulant impatience If you're keen to drop the ball then know that I am game Why don't you and I go and get together sometime? I'm not too good at picking up on tension Must have missed your red flags waving from your hands When I've been made the focus of attention Your semaphore performance I didn't understand I too take comfort that you didn't second glance At my myriad failures and flaws on exhibition So in a sense, we're reading from the same page We are beings purely fueled by lack of inhibition I don't care who you are, where you're from, what you did I'm not gonna be the one to hit the skids You got me to the dance, there's no time for second thoughts Like it or not, baby, we are all we got Why don't you and I go and get together sometime? Closer to the edge than I've ever been before So look into my eyes before we jump overboard And if we pull together 'gainst the forces of dispersion You and I could count as one whole functioning person Why don't you and I go and get together sometime?